Leaving Home

I never imagined that leaving Ohio would be so difficult. I think I cried at least once an hour during the entire ten hour drive back. I really didn't want to come home yesterday. Actually, I think I could have spent at least another month in the buckeye state and remained happy. Yes, I missed my husband while I was gone, but here I miss the rest of my family, so it really is a no-win situation.

I felt like I had more of a purpose there than I do here. I loved spending time with people I know and love. I could run all sorts of varying routes around town always knowing exactly where I was and I felt safe. I had people to eat meals with and go shopping with and play games with during the day.

Here I feel guilty that I don't work. I feel guilty that I am not there to help take Dad places and spend time with my grandmother. I run the same basic route because I don't know where roads will take me and I am a bit nervous when it comes to safety.I eat by myself most of the time. I shop by myself most of the time and a game of dominos just isn't the same with only two people playing.

I almost feel as if I have reverted back to the typical homesickness that a college freshman might have and I don't understand why. For goodness sake, I lived in Germany for four years and I never felt like this. I don't think I have ever been homesick as a "grown-up", until now. And, I wish that there were a pill that I could take to make this sick and confused feeling go away.